Well, look who's come crawling back.

None other than me.
Yes, I'm back. I've been gone for a while, it seems.
But I've come crawling back. I knew I would eventually. I just had to find the right moment.
Of course, this all comes at a price. I have to convince my friends that I'm over this.
Totally over it.
And it's hard, because I've tried to do it before and it hasn't worked. I just can't seem to stop talking about food, weight, exercise. I can't stop exercising. But now I have to, or at least, stop while I'm around them.
I just don't want them knowing. How much I've eaten, how much I weigh, my measurements. It doesn't feel right. People with real eating disorders don't flaunt it to their friends. They don't flash it about. They keep it secret, only disclosing, on odd occasions, to people who don't know them, like we do to our followers. And I don't want to be a wannarexic, who's happy to tell and show all. I want to be real, if I have to be at all, which it seems I do. So now it's all a matter of playing the game right.
Of being a true eating-disordered person. I can achieve that if they don't know. Because then they can't get compeditive. If they don't know how much I weigh, how much I exercise, they can't one up me.
Because as I am an extremely untrusting person, I do honestly believe that they would do that. But if they don't know, they can't. I win. And my goal is to be thinner than the thinnest one, who's blog I've found but she doesn't know it. yes, I know this is bitchy, self-centred and hypocritical, but then I can know her measurements, her weight, how much she exercises, and I can one up her easily. I'm a horrid person, I know.
Thing is, I don't particually care.
And now I begin a tremedous task - catching up with all of you darling's blogs.
Love xx.