Where has it all gone?

I used to update this thing twice a day at least but now I can't even be bothered. Things have gone really weird. For example, today. Home alone, almost all day. No dinner last night, hadn't eaten anything since lunch yesterday ( a grilled cheese sandwich, ugh ). Perfect recipe for disaster. A prime-binge time. But I didn't have breakfast. I went for a run with my sister, then I came home and burnt another 300 cals running. Did some areobics. Stayed standing for a few hours ( burns 40 more cals than sitting per hour ) then I ate a bit of chocolate cookie mix, but not much, no more than 100 cals, purged. Did more excercise. And then, just a few minutes ago, I made a chocolate mousse. There's now that in the fridge plus a trife. I could binge, I'ev been thinking about toast all day. But I can't. I even said to myself before ' binge, dammit. you can, why aren't you? ' but the truth is, I just don't want to. Just like that, plain and simple. Not because I want to lose, even though I do, but for no other reason than I just don't want to. I'm hungry, but I don't want to. It's weird, but it's so incredibly brilliant. I just hope it stays that way for the whole holidays. Then maybe, maybe I'll be thin for the new year.

On to other things now. There was the christmas party at my local theatre yesterday evening, which I of course went to because the people there are some of my closest friends in the world. And here comes the bit which is pre-meditated by a long and complicated story of break-ups and make-ups, but anywho, my crush ( actually it's a bit more serious than a crush considering I've been in love with him for the last four years ) was talking to me liked he actually liked me, which doesn't sound like much but it actually is considering things have been extremely akward between the two of us for a very long time. But it made me so happy, like, estatic. Quite honestly. It's so soppy, isn't it? I'm just a lovesick teenager. Oh, how pathetic, but what is is. I just hate
being referred to as 'in love' because it sounds stupid. But yes. I'm happy, for now.

So what has happened while I've been gone? The same as what has happened for most. School's ended, holidays have started and we're all a little bit closer to the food fest that is Christmas. Also made about ten times worse for me as my sister and father's birthdays are both in December, and chances are we'll being going out to dinner for both of those. And that is a depressing fact, especially because I am known for eating large amounts when out on the town, so if I don't, they'll realise that something is wrong. Oh joy.

Has anyone heard of Ellie Goulding, Lights or Gabrielle Aplin? If you haven't, search for them on Youtube, especially 'Home' by Ellie Goulding. It's incredible. They are so of the most amazing artists and remind me so much of summer. Which is the other thing - this summer ain't very sunny. Stupid summer.